Hello and welcome to WellBalance! I’m Troy Norris, creator of the WellBalance Model of positive wellbeing, and I’m honored to share my personal journey with you here. Mine is a story of resilience - and more importantly, how resilience doesn’t always guarantee wellbeing. This journey led to the creation of a model of applied wellbeing that has transformed not only my life but also the lives of others. And I hope it can help you, too. Guided by this method, I finally found my way to lasting, resilient wellbeing.
A Traumatic Childhood
My story begins in the US Midwest, where my brother and I were raised by a single mother after our father left us as toddlers. Life was ok at first - a safe home, supportive extended family, good schools. Until I was abused by a caretaker. Then my mother was diagnosed with cancer. She did her best to keep things together, but as her illness progressed, our life became more stressful and fragmented. Eventually, she couldn’t care for my brother and me anymore. We were sent across the country to live with our father. A few months later, I returned home - this time, for my mother’s funeral.
A Model of Resilience - but not Wellbeing
At the age of 13, I had to adapt to a new life, in a new place, with a father I barely knew. After a difficult adjustment period, I threw myself into school and activities, and was fortunate to have a few kind and caring teachers. With their support and my own grit, I made lifelong friends, became a team captain, state all-star, and student officer who graduated near the top of my class. Then on my 18th birthday, I received an acceptance letter to Harvard. The ultimate model of resilience!
But while I looked resilient on the outside, I was not well on the inside. I chased distractions to mask deep pain, but the relief was always fleeting. My coping mechanisms included partying, binge drinking, and recreational drugs. This made me popular with some of my peers, but didn’t help me heal from the trauma I was numbing. By my freshman year at Harvard, I experienced my first bout of major depression. I’d shown I could survive, but I had no idea how to thrive.
This is a story that I now realize many people share - the resilience we admire in someone doesn’t necessarily mean they are well. You can be strong and outwardly successful and still feel empty, worthless and scared inside. Outward resilience doesn’t magically fix the inner void that trauma and loss create.
The “Good Life” - but a Fragile Life
In college, I met a wonderful woman who became my wife and mother of our children. Together, over the next two decades, we built what society would consider the “good life” - a comfortable suburban home, three wonderful children, and successful careers. From the outside, everything seemed perfect.
But inside, my wellbeing was becoming increasingly fragile. The joy I had once found in life was slipping away. I had poured so much energy into work and family that I neglected other vital areas of my life: friendships, hobbies, health, and, ultimately, our marriage. Slowly, our relationship eroded while I ignored all the warning signs.
My narrow focus on work and family had made my wellbeing fragile, and when I unexpectedly lost my job, everything began to fall apart. The cracks in our marriage were opened wide. As these two pillars to my wellbeing toppled, my entire sense of self-worth and happiness collapsed, leaving me in a state of deep despair. Eventually, the stress spiraled into breakdown - panic attacks, depression, and ultimately divorce.
Narrow Wellbeing is Fragile
We often think that by achieving external success we will find lasting happiness. But it became clear that my so-called “good life” rested on a fragile foundation. Wellbeing that depends on external validation in a few areas of life, like work or family, exposes our wellbeing to losses or setbacks in those parts of our lives.
Ironically, our well-intentioned efforts to be happy in the moment can exacerbate imbalances that set us up for crisis down the road. Like many people, I had responded to life’s challenges by retreating into work and other activities where I felt comfortable and valued. But naturally this weakened my other relationships, including with my wife and kids. Even worse, due to an effect called hedonic adaptation, I kept getting less and less happiness from the good parts of my life, while the rest of my life spiraled downward at an accelerating pace. I was stuck in a cycle of trying to feel good by over-investing in the happier parts of my life, which made other important parts my life less and less secure.
When I lost my job, my main source of identity and validation of my self-worth, everything came crashing down. I had tied my wellbeing to things that weren’t entirely within my control - validation from others, professional success, having a “perfect” family. And when those things fell apart, so did I.
Discovering Positive Psychology
From the depths of despair, I began to search for a way out. I sought help from talented therapists and became a student of wellbeing. This is when I discovered the science of positive psychology, which taught me that wellbeing isn’t only about surviving or chasing fleeting moments of happiness. True wellbeing requires intentionally creating a balanced and flourishing life full of positive experiences and feelings. I devoted myself to learning how to build a life of sustainable, resilient wellbeing. And from that, the WellBalance Model was born.
The Path to Resilient Wellbeing
The WellBalance Method is built on three core principles that guided my personal transformation:
Positive experiences create positive feelings: – and we often have more agency than we believe to create positivity in our lives;
Caring for ourselves and for others are the roots of our wellbeing – even the simplest chores and errands are acts of love and caring that give our lives meaning;
Balance and breadth of positivity are essential to sustain wellbeing through life’s transitions and challenges.
The steps to achieve resilient wellbeing are similarly straight-forward:
Improve wellbeing productivity, the amount of positive experiences and feelings of wellbeing we can create within our limited discretionary time, by making purposeful choices and adding wellbeing "boosters" to things we're already doing;
Enhance wellbeing resilience, our ability to maintain our wellbeing in the face of life’s inevitable challenges, setbacks and losses - and reduce hedonic adaptation – by pursuing a wide variety of positive experiences that balance activity, mindfulness and calm;
Nurture mindset positivity, gaining more positive feelings from our positive experiences, mainly by anticipating, fully savoring, reminiscing and being grateful for all the positivity in our lives.
Transforming My Life through WellBalance
Applying this model to my own life transformed me. I started small – widening my sources of wellbeing by reconnecting with friends and family, making time for exercise, and fully committing to therapy to work through past traumas. I began to introduce new activities and habits that have been shown by science to create feelings of wellbeing. Slowly, my mood lifted, my anxiety eased, and my life felt more full. Over time, while rebuilding my career and finding new companionship, I developed strong and supportive friendships, became more engaged with my children, and committed to take better care of myself.
A key to this self-care was learning to balance effort and rest. In my previous life, I had burned myself out by constantly working without taking time to recharge. Now, I do my best to balance periods of active engagement and exercise with restful activities like reading or watching TV, spending quiet time with loved ones, and yes, even scrolling through my phone. This balance between doing and being is crucial to sustaining wellbeing.
One of the most transformative aspects of my journey has been finding ways to contribute to others in meaningful ways. I began volunteering and mentoring, giving back to the professional community that had taught me so much over the years. This not only helps others but also gives me a strong sense of purpose. Contributing to others - whether through mentoring, volunteering, or simple acts of kindness - is one of the most powerful ways to boost our own wellbeing.
Today, I’m healthier, happier, and more fulfilled than I’ve ever been—not because my life is free of challenges or unexpected hardships, but because I’ve built a foundation of resilient wellbeing that can better withstand life’s inevitable ups and downs.
A Flourishing Life Awaits You
I hope that the WellBalance Model of positive resilient wellbeing will become my greatest contribution to others. The core principles are simple. Yet we are all different, and we are constantly growing and evolving throughout our lives. Flourishing through balance is a continuous journey of self-awareness, adapting our lives to align with the person we are becoming as we grow.
There is no one-size-fits-all, quick fix for happiness - everyone's life situation, identity and aspirations are ever-changing, so everyone's path to flourishing is unique and changes over time. WellBalance's mission is to provide highly personalized recommendations for where to start your journey, and personal positivity plans to guide you towards the life you desire and deserve.
Thank you for letting me share my story, which I hope inspires you to start your own journey toward resilient wellbeing. Join our movement and together we can build a more flourishing world, one life at a time.
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